If I stayed the full duration of three months in the Big Brother Africa house, I would probably have made a world first - being arrested for murdering somebody. Luckily for me, M-Net and the 12 other housemates who spent a weekend in the house this past week, I only came marginally close to it.
A new season of Big Brother Africa started on Sunday at 6pm on channel 198, and I was invited to test the terrain with others of the media before the real contestants arrived to vie for the prize money of $200 000 (about R1,6-million) and join the ranks of the semi-famous.
The day started with a briefing from the series director Lawrence Laurie (son of SM's coffee judge Hannah Laurie, it turns out) where he laid down the do's, don'ts, and absolutely must-nots of being in the house. Then he said something that elicited an audible gasp - no cellphones, reading materials, laptops, cameras or other electronic devices were allowed in the house.
We were to be completely isolated from the outside world for the duration of our stay and the only interaction was with the other housemates and Big Brother himself.
Luckily, I knew most of my fellow housemates, so I was comforted by the fact that if my very large personal space was going to be invaded, at least it would by people I knew. This is not so in the actual show as the contestants meet each other for the first time in the house as they are led in one by one.
The producers decided to give us the same experience and led us into the house one by one to give us the opportunity to get a sense of what the contestants go through when they give up their freedom and walk into isolation for 90 days.
As I walked through the heavy front doors, I expected to see the clutter that masqueraded as décor last year. But I was pleasantly surprised to find a very tastefully decorated house and garden complete with a hammock and pool. The layout had completely changed from last year. The front doors gave way to an open-plan kitchen that contained every convenience.
The transition from kitchen to very large lounge, dining room and bathroom (where there will be no cameras this year) was seamless. And, unlike the last season when I spent a night in the house, the cameras were discreet. In fact, it was easy to forget that you were under the glare of 40 or so cameras because they were worked so well into the design of the house. I imagine this was deliberately done to allow the housemates to relax and be themselves without consciously playing to a camera.
It should be interesting to watch the reality unfold because 10 minutes into our stay, we had abandoned most of our restraint, despite the cameras.
The main difference in the house this year is the fact that the bedroom is on another storey and all housemates get to sleep in one big room - like a posh boarding school. Again, knowing each other made it easy to for me to cope, but I'm looking forward to the real housemates' reactions when they find there actually is "no place to hide" this year.
But back to my initial intentions to do grievous bodily harm. One of the housemates was a radio traffic guy from Johannesburg who fancied himself as a celebrity and immediately took charge of things.
He made us all sit around the table and introduce ourselves, after which he made inane comments. I was last to go and my: "Hi I'm Terence and I run courses on the mating habits of earthworms" didn't amuse him, but cracked up the rest, all of whom were already thinking that he would have been the first to be evicted.
The only reason I mention this is that there is always one person each year that comes into the house with the class prefect syndrome and they never learn - they're always the first to get voted out.
Big Brother is more than just a reality show - it's a game and one that should be played with a definite strategy in mind. The idea is to get the other housemates and the public to keep you in the house as long as possible and ultimately try and be the last person standing.
In the end the weekend proved quite interesting but, admittedly, after a day and a half I was very ready to leave. The producers say that this season is set to be the best yet, with 14 contestants, bigger prize money and many surprises along the way. They've dubbed it "The Revolution" and only time will tell whether it actually is one.
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